SOME OF THE CAUSES OF DIVORCE IN UGANDA AND WHY MARRIAGE IS LOSING OUT!

Abbey Semuwemba enjoying Ugandan food in Boston

By Abbey Kibirige Semuwemba, UK

Marriage is a complex social institution that has evolved over time, and there are many factors that contribute to its success or failure. Unfortunately, marriage has fallen in stature and respect over the last half century. Part of it is due to the growth of affluence and increased personal choices.

In 2019, for example, Uganda’s pastor Bugingo left his wife of 29 years for one of his employees. He publicly reasoned that his wife had been suffering from haemorrhage and had been bleeding for the past 10 years. He went on to justify his infidelity by saying marriage vows are satanic since they’re nowhere in the bible. There’s part of me that wants to judge him because of what he said but, at the same time, I have been involved in more marriage disputes to know that there are a lot of things that happen between couples that the public will never know about.

Another factor is that divorce no longer has the social stigma attached to it as was the case in the past. Remarriages are the highest in the history of humanity. So, most modern couples choose to part ways rather than live in unhappy unions. An option that rarely existed in boomer marriages. In Uganda, 7% experience divorce and separation every 4 years. This translates to roughly 370,000 people every year.

Financial instability also causes divorce – more women are working but still a lot of them survive on a man’s money, and they manipulate men using Bible or qur’anic verses or sayings of the prophets.  Personally, I think If you earn decently, you need not be dependent on someone. In Uganda, if you’re a married man, you are effectively working for your wife – you’re expected to pay the lion’s share of the bills, even if she has a job. In the developed nations, even if you end up divorcing, you will still be working for your wife to support her through alimony. Maintaining her will take up a large portion of your salary. My main point is regarding risk and liability – which is almost exclusively assumed by the male at this point. Even where men are entitled to alimony, it’s seldom awarded to them. Where women are entitled to it, there is no question that it will be awarded.

Another point I would make too is that there have been studies that show women who are higher earners expect their men to earn more or the same and the highest divorce rates are when women out-earn men. The wealthiest women, those who literally don’t need to work at all any more to maintain a good lifestyle, have the highest preference for wealthier men, much more than poorer women. That makes no rational sense as their survival is already ensured, but it is the instinct to crave for male provision on some deep psychological level.

Men, on the other hand, are also waking up and realising they’d rather not be treated as pack-mules, working themselves to the bone to support a woman’s life, when they can simply have a non-marital relationship without committing themselves financially.

Infidelity: Extramarital affairs can erode trust and emotional connection between partners. Infidelity often causes significant damage to the relationship, making it difficult to rebuild trust. However, In Uganda it’s very rare to find a woman who divorces her husband because he cheated with another woman.

Incompatibility: Sometimes, couples discover fundamental differences in values, goals, or interests that make it challenging to maintain a fulfilling partnership. Over time, these differences can become irreconcilable. The Harvard Business Review study offers a simple solution: If married couples see themselves more as partners in both income and housework – not limiting themselves to society’s constructed gender roles – it eases marriage anxiety and makes for happier relationships.

Lack of intimacy and affection: Physical and emotional intimacy play crucial roles in maintaining a healthy marriage. When couples lose their connection, become emotionally distant, or experience a lack of affection, it can lead to dissatisfaction and the breakdown of the relationship.

Women’s rights are always correlated to the rates of divorce. As women get more emancipated, marriages become more egalitarian. Which means that when they don’t work for either, there’s a greater chance of divorce. Most divorces are initiated by women in every country in the world. You can check those statistics; they apply to divorces in most developed countries. My stats say 69%, with a rate of 40 – 50% in the US and 37% in Canada. Women used to be treated so badly back in the day. I still see women from poorer backgrounds being mistreated. Child marriage and wife beating are still common in Uganda. Nobody wants to be controlled by someone, everyone wants to live life with freedom, whether it is men or women.

It appears that women have a hard time, ironically, committing to a marriage and are subsequently quicker to leave or divorce when things aren’t going optimally. I thought this effect is due to a greater social support circle amongst women as opposed to men. Socially, a woman is better off in a divorce than a man, in addition she’s significantly better off financially in a divorce than a man. These taken together, along with social pressure, makes divorce more attractive alternative for a woman as opposed to a man.

Marriage for a man is the financial equivalent of giving somebody, who often only brings a small percentage of the value to the agreement, a fifty percent share in your company, with a clause that they can leave for any reason, and they will keep their 50% share of the company. It literally makes no sense for a man to get married in the modern world. That’s why most men are usually more reluctant to marry to begin with. Most available marriage-material-women are divorced with kids; many young ones just want a sugar daddy to sustain their lazy lifestyle.

Ms.Doreen Nyanjula, deputy Lord mayor, may disagree, but a lot of marriages have also broken down because women expect to have equal power in relationships. Feminism has made them feel that they should be treated equally. Some men would like to see things go back to when women were more dependent and deferential though that’s highly unlikely to happen. And it seems to me that the men will have to adapt.

The fact is modern women do not enjoy being married anymore. You won’t agree with this but, it really has to do with the embedded power differential in traditional marriages. Men generally don’t give up their careers to take care of offspring, downgrade their employment, stop contributing to pensions. Money is power and, in a lot of marriages, that fact is plainly exercised. Many millennials are cohabiting nowadays and negotiating roles and responsibilities.

Nuclear families have also contributed to marriage breakdown. We have become more isolated in the way that we live. In most urban areas, we now have small families, big homes, and are often disconnected from neighbours and community. The 1990s brought in this idea of a self-contained unit with Mom and Dad at the head (mostly Dad) especially in Buganda. Some cultures that still have an emphasis on living with extended family tend to have lower rates of family breakdown. This probably means more support with extended family units, and it helps with raising kids.

Religion isn’t so strong in our communities anymore. Our culture has been dominated by religious ideas of how to live righteously for nearly two millennia. Now the religious hold on our secular law system has weakened considerably and so divorce, as many other cultural icons, is looked at from a purely personal point of view rather than as a societal one. It offers us the option of living together “in sin” or just being lovers who have sex without the tension of constant company of our lovers.

Divorce is bad.

The fact is that divorce is a terrible, financially crippling, life-destroying process. However, it may be better than staying in an abusive marriage but in many cases, it will take a huge toll on your life.

Decades of studies examining endpoints like psychological health, behaviour, academic performance, professional success, etc have consistently shown that children who grow up in a household with both parents present and legally married outperform those who don’t, in all endpoints. The enhanced financial and emotional security and environmental stability contribute to that, but of course that all depends on the health of the marriage.

Well, as much as a failed institution marriage is, some go wonderfully smooth as wine matures with age. And most of those marriages have few things in common: mutual respect, trust, religion, and a commitment to building a strong and healthy relationship. Whether a marriage is based on love or arranged, it’s important for both partners to prioritize their emotional well-being and work together to build a fulfilling and satisfying life together.

It is also important to note that each marriage is unique, and the reasons for divorce can vary widely from couple to couple. Additionally, many divorces occur due to a combination of factors rather than a single cause.

Lastly, divorce isn’t the only proof of a “failed” marriage. Unhappy or abusive marriages outnumber divorces -They are failed marriages as well, but we have no way of getting the real numbers. So, while modern marriages might get a flak for seeing an increased rate of divorce, most millennials consider that to be a good thing and not bad. For example, I know of many women living in slums getting beaten up every day who cannot even think of a divorce because that is not an option. Their life after a divorce is perceived as worse by them. Divorce rate is not a benchmark to check healthy and good marriages. It is just a statistic of how many people took legal action. Marriages by themselves don’t work or work. Love or arranged marriage, you must work at it. Basically, people should pray to God daily for their marriages to work.

BIGAMY IS ILLEGAL IN THE UK

Congratulations Isebantu Kyabazinga

By Abbey Kibirige Semuwemba

Yesterday, I called my mum as usual and one major item dominated our conversations – she was mainly talking about the Kyabazinga wedding, and then we went to discuss the fate of the king’s first wife here in the UK. She is definitely not a happy bunny at the moment.

British law does not allow for a person to be married to more than one other person. On indictment, it is punishable with up to 7 years in prison, or on summary conviction up to 6 months’ imprisonment, or a fine of a prescribed sum, or both.

Men (and women) are prosecuted if they try to register two or more marriages. You can call another sexual partner a second or third “wife” if you wish, but as long as you don’t try and register it, then the law simply doesn’t care. It also becomes a problem when the first wife reports the husband to the police. The law can also take an interest if there are children involved of course, but that’s an entirely different matter.

If you and your multiple spouses come into the UK from a country that allows polygamy, such as Uganda, UK law will only recognise one spouse. Other spouses are allowed to call themselves spouses but don’t have the same rights as first spouses. This usually also applies under diplomatic law where the first spouse can be accredited and while other spouses are allowed to travel and accompany their spouse, they do not have the same diplomatic protection as the first spouse.

Also, it is possible to be married religiously, but your spouse won’t be recognised legally if you’re already married. We, Muslims, for instance do ” Nikah ” ceremonies, and that person becomes your spouse in the eyes of God, but not under UK law. Therefore, If the person hasn’t attempted multiple legal marriages and is just living with multiple partners they consider spouses, that is a polyamorous arrangement that currently has no legal support but isn’t punishable either.

Why is bigamy illegal in the UK?

Marrying more than one person for non-fraudulent reasons is illegal because there is an enormous legal infrastructure having to do with next-of-kin and inheritance, which assumes that a marriage consists of exactly two people. Consider the situation of a Kyabazinga in an irreversible vegetative state in a hospital in the UK, and he has two wives, but the hospital wants to remove life support. One wife agrees, while the other does not. Who wins? Definitely, it’s the registered wife here in the UK.

Apparently, allowing polygamy here would require the UK to rewrite a ton of laws and would also render a ton of case law (judicial decisions) irrelevant. The government doesn’t want to have to do that, and so that is considered a sufficiently legitimate reason to ban bigamy.

Personally, I think the UK and other countries with such a law, should try and review it to allow people to enjoy multiple marriages legally. If It’s perfectly legal for a man to have sexual relations with two people, marriage to two people should be no different.

Otherwise, congratulations to the King of Busoga kingdom and his newly wedded traditional wife. The Wedding looked so beautiful. By the way, Lusoga sounds more like Luganda – “Aye ntegeleyele byona byona omukaile omukyala (queen waife) byayakobye” in her wedding speech. I understood almost everything that was said in Lusoga at the wedding. I love Basoga so much!

Nobody likes Rejection but You have to move on!

By Abbey Kibirige Semuwemba

Good morning, fellow men,

I would like to take this opportunity to issue advice to fellow men who have been rejected by women. First, this is normal, and you should pat yourself at the back for facing her and telling her what you want because it’s not easy.

With rejection, please don’t take it personally. People don’t think much about us while rejecting us. You can’t force anyone to love you. You’re not living to prove your worth to everyone because even at your best, you’re still worthless to so many people.

Just like you’re free to propose, they are also free to reject you. Rejecting you doesn’t make them bad in any way.

So, the solution is giving up. Yes,it is the appropriate response to a rejection from a lady (or from a gentleman, for that matter). The alternative is called “harassment”, which is not only rude but illegal, not to mention highly unlikely to be effective or result in a satisfactory relationship.

2. If you have started talking to a girl for let’s say 2–4 weeks and you have a general impression that she is a girl you like, be straight up with her there and then, and tell her that you are interested in the potential of a deeper intimate relationship with her, or marriage (if you’re a Muslim). If she is into you, she will agree, if she is not into you, she will tell you right there, and you will naturally stop wasting your time hoping that maybe she didn’t give you the right answer.

If she tells you that she is into you yet acts distant with you (this is what I call actionable clues) then understand that she is really not into you and don’t force it or pursue it.

See, my wife says that women know when a man likes them. They can smell when we like them from afar because our attitude towards them is just plain obvious to them, and we don’t even realise it 90% of the time. So, when she knows you like her, and if she is equally interested, she will put herself in a place to ease you into asking her about the relationship thing. And if you miss that opportunity to express yourself right there and then, she will lose interest because you are not a man who can stand up for what he wants, and that’s not attractive. If she really wants you and sees that you are awkward and have a serious hard time, she will give you a window of time to pick up her signals and come to her.

MORAL DECLINE IN UGANDA IS WORRYING

By Abbey Kibirige Semuwemba, UK.

When I was a boy growing up in Kangulumira(Bugerere) and Kawempe, there were a set of values that guided the behaviour of every member of the community, and I’m sure it was the same everywhere in Uganda. We had values, such as hospitality, chastity before marriage, truth telling, respect for old people, covenant keeping, hard work, respect for neighbours, and good character.

However, Uganda has changed a lot, recently, going by what we see on televisions and social media. There are a lot of social ills that continue to beset our beautiful country. We are basically in a state of moral decline, and if nothing major is done to curb this problem, the future looks bleak. People under 18 years are supposed to be our future but their behaviour is appalling.

The moral repugnance that the country is experiencing is perhaps best captured by the way some old and young people talk in public. Up until just about now, for example, it was difficult to see a young or elder speaking vulgarly (‘okuwemula’ in Luganda) in public. At first, I thought it was something restricted to Dr. Stella Nyanzi because she was trying to showcase some of the contents in her degree, but I later found out that it’s a general problem.

If anybody wants to capture the audience nowadays, the best way is to either start with a big vulgar word, or an insult to someone. From Jennifer full figure (original names Jenifa Nakagubi ) to Tamale Mirundi senior and Junior, everyone starts live videos vulgarly. A couple of years ago, Shanita Namuyimbwa also known as Bad Black had a live video against Ritah Kagwa on Facebook –I was surprised that it had generated over 400 comments in just 10 minutes, something a religious leader, like Mufti Menk, cannot get despite being followed by millions of people.

There used to be a degree of discipline when talking in public but it’s all gone, and it has been left to a few Ugandans. Technological revolution after another explains the extraordinary change in our morals. The Internet have completely overhauled the ways in which people interact

My take is that, in the general scheme of things, the people who are to a large extent responsible for our moral decay, are the leaders. They need to ask themselves some difficult and soul-searching questions. There is a complete breakdown of leadership values and this, to a large extent, is largely attributed to leaders.

When president Museveni is talking in public, he calls whoever he disagrees with an ‘idiot’. According to John Kazoora, in his book, Betrayed By My leader’, Museveni’s favourite word is” idiot”. While in the bushes of Luwero, he constantly referred to UPC’s Chris Rwakasisi as an idiot.

While addressing the NRM caucus at Statehouse on the 11th of July 2011, he referred to Dr. Kiiza Besigye as an idiot. He also referred to one of the diplomats who had said something about him and was later revealed in the WikiLeaks, as an idiot.

Our culture has evolved in interesting ways to exhibit. Most important of all, however, is the difference in moral attitude between some Ugandans born before Museveni came to power and those born under Museveni’s regime. The sense that present culture is no longer motivated or even interested in ethics is perhaps most evident in regard to lying and deception. Most Ugandans, including present leaders, aren’t afraid of telling lies as long as they benefit from them.

Loosely, a lie is a statement that the speaker believes is false. Deception is a deliberate attempt to mislead others. Unlike lying, deception does require a theory of mind. The speaker must have a model of how the audience interprets her behaviour. If the receiver ignores the sender’s message, then he cannot be deceived.

Some people are pathological liars, meaning they can’t stop spreading misinformation about themselves and others. The psychological reasons for why some people are this way is a bit of a mystery, but in the third edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, pathological lying is a disorder in its own right, as well as a symptom of personality disorders like psychopathy and narcissism. For instance, I watch in amazement when some NUPs continue spreading lies against Besigye in the name of selling Bobi, as if we are still in elections. I have also seen false reports announcing people dead yet they are still alive, and it’s sickening.

Then there are the voyeur and celebrity genres, which have made some liars the equivalent of rock stars and further feed the public curiosity about lying. One recent influential figure in this tradition was Bobi Wine who in 2017 lied that Museveni’s security men had busted one of his kidneys, and he ended up hospitalising himself in America.

Besigye, on the other hand, is somehow different. His emphasis on the morally redeeming qualities of business and politics, and, more specifically, financial independence was something I came to recognize as the defining ideology of a group of FDCs. Most of us between 30 and early 40s have only known Besigye as the only serious opposition leader because of his strict principles on good politics.

Granted, not all NRMs and NUPs are liars but that’s the image that has registered with a lot of people. This pattern of a few individuals telling most of the lies follows what is known as the Pareto principle, which is also known as “the law of the vital few.” In short, this principle suggests that in a population, 20 percent of the people account for 80 percent of a behaviour. Liars in NUP follow a similar pattern.

Speaking carelessly in public, if pursued without regard to consequence, can prove ruinous not only to oneself, but also to other people and even to society itself. We must, therefore, work to create communities in which learning is emphasized over telling lies and insulting people in public.

Mrs.Museveni was right!

Mrs.Janet Museveni

“Safe sex reduces HIV transmission” is a mantra that’s been round for over twenty years now. But people are still shagging carelessly, and the numbers of those infected in Uganda have gone up. I think the true mantra for stopping HIV infection should be abstinence from sexual relations except in marriage. Mrs.Janet Museveni and the church were right- this is the message we should all stress. Ebyokwegunda abantu babiveko buvi . Ebyengela bya mungu tubitunilire butunulizi!

By the way,I read that Mahatma Gandhi was celibate – that he chose to sleep with a young girl as a temptation to prove that he would not have sex. People at the time are said to have thought he was weird.However, he had married at 13 years of age,but he believed sex was only for procreation, and suggested that married people only do it twice a year specifcally for that purpose. He stayed off sex completely from his 30s till his death. Why can’t people do the same, when they are even not married yet? Not that im campaigning for celibacy.

Truth is simple–abstinence from carbs, smoking, alcohol,fornication/adultery remain the underpinnings of a healthy lifestyle!! Happy New year all!

Women now find easy to dump men!

African men aren’t used to being dumped by women. Well, this is just the beginning- very soon women will start dumping you for other women. Yes, that shit is already happening elsewhere- read the book, “The End of Men”. Women No longer need us that much. They are creating their own territory, making their own decisions, making their own money, marry whoever they want, e.t.c.

Its scary but women have this power hold over us which, up to now, I have failed to understand. In some federal prisons in USA, men beg for women panties for company- just to get a sniff. In Tokyo, Japan, they even have vending machines for sniff panties- u can buy dirty schoolgirl panties, for like, I don’t know, 10,000 yen…..Women have all this power which most never use!

Ya, research more, and u will find out how women are more powerful than us in so many ways. Men are easier to manipulate. With women, you need to build trust, but Men just need the promise of sex, and the promise of sex is free.

DOES MONEY BUY HAPPINESS?

Money buys happiness up to a certain extent. A lot of people expect it to fill some sort of emotional hole,and all it really does is buy stuff. Yes, buying stuff is good, especially when it’s food, clothes, or a roof over your head. There’s apparently a study that said, ” money does buy happiness, up to $75,000 a year, “…..But after that, increasing your income doesn’t make you any happier.

One reason we have so much trouble attaining happiness is that we have no idea about what it is. Consequently, we make poor judgments in life.For instance,there’s someone somewhere in the world buying alchol right now to be happy,but its a bad jugment.An example of our good judgment is knowing that materialistic comforts by themselves do not lead to lasting happiness.We make more money thinking that is the way to become happy, and in the process neglect our family.

Trust me, all those people that have stolen millions of dollars of tax payers’ money, aren’t happier than you and me. It’s easy for someone who has never had , atleast, $10,000 on their account, to dismiss all this, but it’s the truth. Most of the so called rich men aren’t happier than someone of a middle income somewhere in Kangulumira. For the life of me, I’ve never understood why someone would keep stealing and stealing tax payers ‘ money endlessly for decades- it’s mind boggling.

BILL GATES AND THE VENDOR
Someone asked the richest man in the world, Bill Gates, “Is there anyone richer than you in the world ?”
Bill Gates replied, “Yes, there is a person who is richer than me.”
He then narrated a story.
“It was during the time when I wasn’t rich or famous.
“I was at the New York Airport when I saw a newspaper vendor.
“I wanted to buy one newspaper but found that I didn’t have enough change. So I left the idea of buying and returned it to the vendor.
“I told him of not having the change. The vendor said, ‘I am giving you this for free.’ On his insistence I took the newspaper.
“Coincidentally, after two to three months, I landed at the same airport and again I was short of change for a newspaper. The vendor offered me the newspaper again. I refused and said that I can’t take it for I don’t have change today too. He said, ‘You can take it, I am sharing this from my profit, I won’t be at loss.’ I took the newspaper.
“After 19 years I became famous and known by people. Suddenly I remembered that vendor. I began searching for him and after about 1½ months of searching, I found him.
“I asked him, ‘Do you know me?’ He said, ‘Yes, you are Bill Gates.’
“I asked him again, ‘Do you remember once you gave me a newspaper for free?’
“The vendor said, ‘Yes, I remember. I gave you twice.’
“I said, ‘I want to repay the help you had offered me that time. Whatever you want in your life, tell me, I shall fulfill it.’
“The vendor said, ‘Sir, don’t you think that by doing so you won’t be able to match my help?’
“I asked, ‘Why?’
“He said, ‘I had helped you when I was a poor newspaper vendor and you are trying to help me now, when you have become the richest man in the world. How can your help match mine ?’
“That day I realized that the newspaper vendor is richer than I am, because he didn’t wait to become rich to help someone.”
People need to understand that the truly rich are those who possess a rich heart rather than lots of money.
It’s really very important to have a rich heart.

Life is there to be lived, make a few contributions to improve the life of others- at times, putting others before yourself, worship your creator( if you believe in God), spend time with family, be happy, and then finally die!

Byebyo ebyange!

A letter to Pastor Bugingo!

Pastor Bugingo

Dear Pastor Bugingo,

I sincerely believe that you were way off-base in your “kikuluto ” public message against your ex- wife( assuming you’re already divorced). If you really wanted to explain to your followers as to why you are nolonger together, you would have found better words to use without getting into the nasty details. To publicly humiliate the mother of your children, or someone you have been with that long( over 20 years) is like calling for an H-bomb to be dropped on her in the event that another man tries to start a relationship with her in future. I hope you’ll take immediate steps to rectify the situation. I say this as one who’s enjoyed several of your recordings on social media but who won’t take them seriously anymore until you set things straight. Seriously, if a woman is doing anything you don’t like, tell it to her while still married to her, not the public.

We all know that marriage isn’t easy, and you have your reasons for getting another woman, and you don’t need to justify yourself to anyone. There’s nothing wrong with getting a second wife for those who wish to. I think that what has offended many (myself included) is that- we found your language against Ms.Teddy Naluswa Bugingo to be a rather supercilious and arrogant tone. You also try give the impression that while many married men may have been grappling with these complex and emotionally difficult issues, you have the answer and can provide it in form of divorce and public humiliation, which seems extremely simplistic and casual to many of us, not to mention highly insensitive. It is that insensitivity that most rankles, and that has some urging the public to boycott your church, T.V. and other businesses. I believe that such a boycott, either by followers/purchasers or advertisers, is certainly an appropriate response, and it is surely not (that dreaded word) censorship. With access to a public platform comes the necessity to test your views in the crucible of public opinion, and to live with the reaction of that public. We’ve heard, since we were small, that we should think before we speak, as what we say tends to affect others in one way or another.

Thank you Don Williams for the music and the memories!

Thank you Don Williams for the music and the memories! You wrote and sung songs that will be remembered forever and ever.Your music has, and will continue to inspire generations to come.I used to sing some of your songs while dating my wife who is a fan of country music,and it did the trick. Condolences to his family, friends, and fans.

‘We don’t need no money, honey you and I
What we’ve got together, money just can’t buy
What we’ve got, there’s plenty of
I’ve got you, you’ve got me, we got love.’

PLEASE STOP UNDRESSING THIEVES OR JILTS IN PUBLIC!

Friends,

Hear me out now. Please don’t undress a woman or man in public just because they’ve stolen something from you or someone else (as I’ve seen in some videos from Uganda). This could be someone’s mother, sister, daughter or wife, and that someone may be a good person who doesn’t deserve to share the embarrassment.

Mob justice is a characteristic of a failed state but the people doing it just make things worse. A nation which prides itself on laws, rationale and evidence has no room for acts such as: undressing women in public, torching thieves on streets, killing protesters in broad day light,e.t.c, and, individually, we all have a responsibility of stopping all these things from happening. The sooner we realise the levels of evils within our own communities the better. Just because you might be young, cool and clever doesn’t mean you don’t have a huge responsibility to guide your family and local elders.

Undressing and killing of petty thieves is something that has been going for a while, and I think a lot of sensitization needs to be done, as I see a lot of people just cheering and looking on while such evilness is taking place.

I am not a thief, though I am guilty of a few peccadilloes when I was so young, but not enough to send me to the Islamic/Catholic version of hell, if we ignore a few philosophical differences, and especially if I repent for my sins before death. However, if you look real close you may find that defining one’s self as a thief and defining others as a thief is merely a matter of degrees in interpretation. Almost everybody commits crimes to some degree, opportunistic or deliberate. Let’s forget the election thieves for now, but how many people do you know that haven’t padded a tax return to their advantage? That is a crime. How many people speed when they think that no one is looking? That is a crime. How many people commit adultery? How many people use facilities provided by their employer, phone, computer, stationery, etc. These are crimes. I see no difference in a woman stealing food and a businessman lying about a product and charging excess prices. The woman is undressed and possibly goes to jail but the businessman remains free. So basically, people are criminals, it is just a matter of risk and degree. Take away the risk and the degree will immediately increase.

What we must understand is that people do things during bad times that they would never do, or even consider, during good times. The bad guy will take at any and all times, and never feel a hint of remorse. I bet the majority of the people who steal petty things on streets and markets feel extremely guilty about it. And no, I am not saying they do the right thing. Too many are put in circumstances through no fault of their own, that cause them to do things they wouldn’t normally do. I still condemn the thief, but I understand the “why”.

Personally, I believe most people are good at heart at the very least, and they should be given a chance to rehabilitate themselves. If you take away fear of lawful retribution, the fear of personal retribution, then what remains is just conscience. I think that far more people would commit crimes if conscience was their only deterrent. Sometimes at our lowest moments when we feel most helpless, we need a hand to help in guiding us to the truth, and that hand could be you. Today’s thief may turn out to be a respectable member of the society tomorrow by the grace of God. If you can treat wrong doers with dignity, please do; it doesn’t matter if others approve it or not and it doesn’t matter if you are praised or not.

Byebyo ebyange

ABBEY SEMUWEMBA
UK

Little advise from the heart to Hamis Kiggundu!

Hamis Kiggundu

Congratulations Brother Hamis Kiggundu for building such a beautiful house. I’m really happy for you. Its damn beautiful! But this is little advise from the heart and its not in any way ‘nuggu’:

1.As we grow old and hence wiser, we slowly realise that wearing a $300 or $30K watch, they both tell the same time;
2.Whether we carry a $300 or $3,000 wallet/handbag, the amount of money inside is the same;
3.Whether we drink a bottle of $30 or $3K wine, the vomiting is the same;
4.Whether the house we live in is 1 or 30 acres, the loneliness is the same;

5.Whether you fly first or economy class, if the plane goes down, you go down with it;

6.Don’t educate your children to be rich. Educate them to be Happy. So when they grow up they will know the value of things not the price;

7. There is a lot of difference between human being and being human. A Few understand it but ask the elders around you to help u understand it;
8. You are loved when you are born. You will be loved when you die. In between, You have to manage!

Hopefully, one day you will realise, your true inner happiness does not come from the material things of this world.Therefore,I hope you realise, when you have mates, buddies and old friends, brothers and sisters, chat, laugh, talk, sing song, talk about north-south-east-west, heaven-earth, that’s true happiness!! If you have a lot of money, please build a mosque, school, hospital, e.t.c, and give happiness to more people than you ever realise. Byebyo munange!

Abbey Semuwemba

There is Less good in Divorce and Mediation should be encouraged

Friends:

The Moses Kigongo Vs Olive Zaitun ”Kigongo” looks like a routine divorce hearing but it’s not because the good Hajji claims that he never married Olive in the first place. So, what is the tittle for the woman you have cohabited with for 30 years? Is it ‘Babe’, ‘Housemate’, ‘Bedmate’, ‘Bwenzi-mate’?

Nothing in this universe destroys personal wealth as relentlessly and surely as divorce. Actually, apart from bad leaders,divorce is arguably the greatest destroyer of wealth ever devised. But this particular ”Divorce” sheds light on Hajji Moses Kigongo’s wealth because Olive is demanding for billions of shillings. How can she ask for billions just because the man is having ‘takeaway’ food somewhere, Jesus!

The truth is i always feel bad when i see people divorcing especially if they have been together for a long time. More often than not divorce is for selfish reasons and there is always the the third ‘innocent’ party involved.Because divorce is a vow broken; a vow broken is equivalent to a lie.Career driven women are highly likely to divorce you, by the way. But what bothers me in this particular divorce: It involves people we call ‘elders’ in our society and they are setting a bad example for the young generation. So, is there any way other ‘elders’ can chip in and get these guys out of the media. I was told that President Museveni is very good at reconciling couples in this situation, has Hajji Kigongo got his number somewhere or not?

Let us remember that marriages used to be organised by elders traditionally before religion came in.Marriage,baptism and penance were declared one of the church’s seven sacraments in 1215. In Islam, marriage became another issue 600 years after Christianity.So, when did the traditional leaders or elders felt compelled to stop interfering in marriage matters, i wonder.

Relationships take a lot of time and attention and real hard work.Sorry I should’ve said that I’ve already been diagnosed with the word called ‘understanding’. I always feel that couples should try as much as possible to understand each other in case any extraordinary situation arises in a relationship. If your man or wife has less libido, its just a matter of understanding why there are in that situation, and then find a way of helping each other. If marrying a second wife or just agreeing to monthly ‘takeaways'(haram in Islam) would be an agreeable solution to both, then why not. In Islam, we are encouraged to marry a second wife instead of ‘Rwakutanalizing’ over four women.

Alternatively, there are lots of things women in their 40s plus could do to satisfy their partners in bed,and this include: using good personal lubricants, keeping themselves attractive and fit, communicating with your partner (always a good idea!), and various drug or hormone treatments.

Yes, Loss of libido is fairly common among women during the transition into menopause, but I’m not sure if this is the case with Ms.Olive Kigongo, because the term seems to cover a lot of different situations, from those who experience pain because of vaginal dryness, to “relationship issues” that may arise at midlife and affect desire and/or function. I know of a woman(mid 50s now) here in the UK whose sexual drive went up in the sky as soon she landed in this country, and she is very proud to engage people in a conversation about it. She told us that she only declined one guy from Zimbabawe who had ’embukuli’ that was probably bigger than Hon.Bukenya’s tummy!

All I know is that both men and women are capable of losing interest in sex at some point, due to other factors, regardless of the age. That’s why its very easy for a man or woman to be shagging while imagining another person. The psychic behind this may be because the person he is routinely shagging: does not put in much effort as they should in the process;or there’s less attraction between them; or the ‘Kintu’/ ‘ekiitone’ ( as some of you call it) cells are no longer networking/ facebooking, e.t.c

How you choose to deal with this is, of course, a highly personal matter, but I feel couples should try hard to rediscover themselves without necessarily divorcing each other. There is less good out of divorce, and If I had powers, I would probably make it mandatory for couples to stay together for at least 2-5 years before they divorce.All that needs to be done is to encourage folks to think before they wed, and before they divorce.The couple should go through a waiting period before actually getting married, and by requiring one to show cause why the marriage should be dissolve.

Byebyo ebyange!

Abbey

How to increase Positivity in your House

1) Open all windows in the house and allow fresh air and sunshine to enter the house. Free flowing air and sun are excellent negativity removers. Keeping the windows closed prevents positive energy from coming inside your house and negative energy from going out.

2) Throw out all the clutter out of the house. Clean your house. Dispose of all the old unwanted things lying in the house. Clutter is a negativity magnet. It attracts and accumulates negative energy in the house.

3). Walking barefoot in the house helps all your negative energy to be absorbed by the earth. Grounding is important to keep the energy balance in our body. Walking barefoot on grass is also an excellent way to ground yourself.

4) Always leave your footwear at the entrance of the house.Our footwear collects negative energy.Hence in the olden days, these were kept out of the house. People used to enter the house only after washing feet with water. This action ensures that all the negativity remains outside or are grounded by earth and does not enter the house. Now it has become difficult to keep the footwear outside. So preferably remove them near the entrance door.

5) Go out in the open air. Take walks in the garden or open ground. Being amongst nature re-energizes or charges you fully.

6) Sweeping the floor also ensures that the negative energies are shaken and moved out with the dirt.

7) Rock salt is another negativity remover. Wash or mop your floor with a fistful rock salt in a bucket of water. This ensures that every nook and corner of the house is rid of negative energy.

8) Potted plants or trees around your house or society also ensures more positive energy in the house and area.

9) Bathing or Soaking your legs and hands in rock salt water once in a while removes the negativity attached to your body.

10) Repitition of Prayers, “Tasbi”, “Bukhoor” etc increases the positive vibrations in the
house.

11) Keep your thoughts, action and speech Positive. Negative thoughts will bring in negative vibes. So avoid all negative thoughts, speech and actions.

12) Keep your house well lit and illuminated. Light removes negativity.

—

Abbey Kibirige Semuwemba

Stalk my blog at: http://semuwemba.com/

Follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/semuwemba

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‘Productivity is never an accident. It is always the result of a commitment to excellence, intelligent planning and focused effort” – Paul Meyer

How To Live & Die: Very nice article by Khushwant Singh who passed away RIP.

I’ve often thought about what it is that makes people happy—what one has to do in order to achieve happiness.
1. First and foremost is good health. If you do not enjoy good health, you can never be happy. Any ailment, however trivial, will deduct something from your happiness.
2. Second, a healthy bank balance. It need not run into crores, but it should be enough to provide for comforts, and there should be something to spare for recreation— eating out, going to the movies, travel and holidays in the hills or by the sea. Shortage of money can be demoralising. Living on credit or borrowing is demeaning and lowers one in one’s own eyes.
3. Third, your own home. Rented places can never give you the comfort or security of a home that is yours for keeps. If it has garden space, all the better. Plant your own trees and flowers, see them grow and blossom, and cultivate a sense of kinship with them.
4. Fourth, an understanding companion, be it your spouse or a friend. If you have too many misunderstandings, it robs you of peace of mind. It is better to be divorced than to be quarrelling all the time.
5. Fifth, stop envying those who have done better than you in life—risen higher, made more money, or earned more fame. Envy can be corroding; avoid comparing yourself with others.
6. Sixth, do not allow people to descend on you for gup-shup. By the time you get rid of them, you will feel exhausted and poisoned by their gossip-mongering.
7. Seventh, cultivate a hobby or two that will fulfill you—gardening, reading, writing, painting, playing or listening to music. Going to clubs or parties to get free drinks, or to meet celebrities, is a criminal waste of time. It’s important to concentrate on something that keeps you occupied meaningfully.
8. Eighth, every morning and evening devote 15 minutes to introspection. In the mornings, 10 minutes should be spent in keeping the mind absolutely still, and five listing the things you have to do that day. In the evenings, five minutes should be set aside to keep the mind still and 10 to go over the tasks you had intended to do.
9. Ninth, don’t lose your temper. Try not to be short-tempered, or vengeful. Even when a friend has been rude, just move on.
Above all, when the time comes to go, one should go like a man without any regret or grievance against anyone. Iqbal said it beautifully in a couplet in Persian: “You ask me about the signs of a man of faith? When death comes to him, he has a smile on his lips.”
I don’t fear death. What I dread is the day I go blind or am incapacitated because of old age—that’s what I fear—I’d rather die than live in that condition. I’m a burden enough on my daughter Mala and don’t want to be an extra burden on her. All that I hope for is that when death comes to me, it comes swiftly, without much pain, like fading away in sound. . Till then I’ll keep working and living each day as it comes.

– Khushwant Singh (96) in 2011

HOW PROFESSORS INTERPRET KISSING! BEFORE MEDITATING?

Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways:

Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

Prof. of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.

Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unusual salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Philosophy:
A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of English:
A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.

Prof. of Engineering:
Uh, What? I’m not familiar with that term.

Prof. Gilbert Bukenya:
It’s when rice that I introduced as VP is exchanged in the mouths of two people just to please the president.

Prof.Museveni:
I don’t do kissing….. It’s infectious. I leave it to those with a lot of time to waste! I do whatever i do and then ‘meditate’.

Are you Happy?

I think there’s only one form of happiness: “to love or be loved”, and your friendship with someone will remain greener if you keep watering it. When I was a kid, I used to have lots of evening conversations with my grandfather,Hajji H.K.Kibirige. One day one of his sisters (RIP)who had settled somewhere in Busoga was visiting us, and he told me something interesting which all of us(Facebook gener…ation) can relate to the way we relate to our friends and relatives:

” jjajawo oyo omulalaba? Embelaye sinungi eyo gyabela . Naye buli lwajja wano okutulabako atwetikila akantu nga akalabo. Ebisera ebisinga obungi atuletela enkonko wano netunywamu ka-suppu…………..sigamba nti enkonko sisobola gyegulira ……..naye kiino akiikola olwomukwano gwetuyina Wakati waffe.”

“Abantu abasinga obungi bajja okulaba banabwe olwebizibu byebaba nabyo mukiisela ekyo naye tebaba na mukwano mumitima gyabwe. Nze ndowoza buli muntu yandibadde alaga munne omukwano nga amuwa ku ako akatono kayinawo”.

There is a great lesson in all this if one considers it a lesson. Yes, Its easier for the rich to be moral than it is for the poor because wealth protects the wealthy, but encourages the poor to take action. But it’s also important that we don’t lose out on our religious and cultural values just because things may not be working out for some of us.

Well, like one wiseman, Andy Rooney, said: ““Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.”

Byebyo ebyange banange!

TODAY I FORGIVE WHOEVER HAS EVER WRONGED ME.I’M FREE

TODAY I FORGIVE WHOEVER HAS EVER WRONGED ME.I’M FREE…..and i thank Allah that I have got no disease called ‘enuggu’ on anyone.I’ve actually had this feeling for a while and this just happened to be the day I put it in writing.

A lot of people out there probably don’t realise this but you cannot be fully be happy when you are struggling with inner feelings as to whether to forgive or continue to hate someone. Secondly, a lot of people invest a lot of their time and effort in worldly materials only to realise at the end that its all nothing. ………yes, it may not be an easy statement to make if your are still struggling for basic needs of life, but the reality is hate and worldly materials are just fuckin wasting our time(excuse my French).

“When someone wrongs us, we must learn to forgive and ask God to let His love fill our heart. It’s the only way to keep from being hurt by bitterness, wrath, and anger.” — Henry G. Bosch

Reflection:
You may ask yourself, “Why should I forgive others who have done things that hurt me? Wouldn’t that absolve them from guilt? Why should I let them off the hook like that?”

First, it helps you avoid the poisoning effect that an unforgiving attitude invariably has on those who hold on to it. If you refuse to forgive those who have wronged you, your mind and spirit become fertile ground for all sorts of negative and destructive attitudes, such as hatred, bitterness, anger, and a desire for revenge. You will never be happy in that state of mind. Forgiveness is the antidote, an agent of positive change that can, over time, reverse the damage that was done.

Second, even though those feelings may seem justifiable considering the circumstances, if you entertain them, or worse yet, act on them, you become guilty along with the one who wronged you. Two wrongs never make a right. Forgiveness doesn’t change the past, but it does make for a much brighter future.

SO,WHERE DO WE DRAW THE LINE WHEN IT COMES TO ‘MORALS’?

Kerry Washington’s name into the mess again!

”America is great because she is good, and if America ever ceases to be good, she will cease to be great”- Alexis de Tocqueville(the French author). He summarily attributed its greatness to its citizens ‘sense of morality’. My wife reckons:’morals build a society’, but how do we define morals? Would Africa be great if it was built on strong morals? Do our leaders value morals?

Is America still a country built on morals? J.F.Kenedy had several affairs while in White House and his presidency wasn’t affected; President Bill Clinton ‘lewisked’ it too while in Whitehouse, was impeached but he remained the president; there are rumors that Barack Obama is also having an affair such that his marriage is on the rocks but he wont need another term unless he does a Uganda’s M7 and changes the constitution.

In France, its normal for a married man to have a mistress, and i’m sure president Hollande is gonna survive the rumours that he has been having an affair outside his marriage.

In the UK, a PM cannot survive stuff like that unless they change into a queen’s dress. UK is such a very conservative society!

In Uganda/ Africa, an affair cannot affect any president. The current Oxfam boss, Winnie Byanyima tried that political card on Museveni during the 2006 elections but she was actually attacked by fellow women using the famous slogan:’ebyomunju tebitotolwa…………'(literally meaning ‘Bedroom matters remain in the bedroom’). Basically, it looks like its OK in Africa for a man to have a kid/kids outside their marriage leave alone an affair!

SO,WHERE DO WE DRAW THE LINE WHEN IT COMES TO ‘MORALS’?

HOW TO BE A FRIEND:

01. Don’t worry about knowing people just make yourself worth knowing.

02. Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.

03. If you can buy a person’s friendship, it is not worth it.

04. True friends have hearts that beat as one.

05. If you cannot think of any nice things to say about your friends, then you have the wrong friends.

06. Make friends before you need them.

07. If you were another person, would you like to be a friend of yours?

08. A good friend is one who neither looks down on you nor keeps up with you.

09. Be friendly with the folks you know. if it weren’t for them you would be a total stranger.

10. A friend is never known till he is needed.

11. Friendship is a responsibility. ..not an opportunity.

12. Friendship is the cement that holds the world together.

13. Friends are those who speak to you after others don’t.

14. The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail and not his tongue.

15. Pick your friends, but not to pieces.

16. A friend is one who puts his finger on a fault without rubbing it in.

17. The way to have friends is to be willing to lose some arguments.

18. If a friend makes a mistake, don’t rub it in… rub it out.

19. Deal with other’s faults as gently as if they were your own.

20. People are judged by the company they keep and the company they keep away from.

21. A friend is a person who can step on your toes without messing up your shine.

22. The best mirror is an old friend.

23. The best possession one may have is a true friend.

24. Make friendship a habit and you will always have friends.

25. You will never have a friend if you must have one without faults.

26. Doing nothing for your friends results in having no friends to do for.

27. Anyone can give advice, but a real friend will lend a helping hand.

28. You can make more friends by being interested in them than trying to have them be interested in you.

29. A real friend is a person who, when you’ve made a fool of yourself, lets you forget it.

30. A friend is a person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

31. You can buy friendship with friendship, but never with dollars.

32. True friends are like diamonds, precious but rare; false friends are like autumn leaves, found everywhere.

33. A friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg even though you’re slightly cracked.

SO, WHO IS YOUR TRUE FRIEND ON FACEBOOK? WELL, I’VE GOT A FEW!

INSPIRATIONAL:How heavy is a glass of water?

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience.

As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question.

Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired:“How heavy is this glass of water?”

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.She said,“The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of glass *doesn’t change*, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

She continued,“The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt.And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”

*Remember to put the glass down.

IS THERE SOMETHING FOR UGANDANS TO LEARN FROM JAPAN? IS THIS WHAT THEY CALL ‘PATRIOTISM’?

Why Japan is such a great Nation: An eye opener for present day people. Above all, there is no religion to guide them to be amongst the most honest, disciplined, educated, courteous, prosperous, humble, consciously clean and developed society of the world. There are over 30,000 Japanese above the ages of 100 in 2010, and there are the fewest number of Policemen per person to control crime. Read this beautiful Information about Japan:

1 – Did you know that Japanese children clean their schools every day for a quarter of an hour with teachers, which led to the emergence of a Japanese generation who is modest and keen on cleanliness?

2 – Did you know that any Japanese citizen who has a dog must carry bag and special bags to pick up dog droppings? Hygiene and their eagerness to address cleanliness is part of Japanese ethics.

3 – Did you know that hygiene worker in Japan is called “health engineer” and can command salary of USD 5000 to 8000 per month, and a cleaner is subjected to written and oral tests!!

4 – Did you know that Japan does not have any natural resources, and they are exposed to hundreds of earthquakes a year but do not prevent her from becoming the third largest economy in the world?

5 – Did you know that Hiroshima returned to what it was economically vibrant before the fall of the atomic bomb in just ten years?

6 – Did you know that Japan prevents the use of mobiles in trains, restaurants and indoor

7 – Did you know that in Japan students from the first to sixth primary year must learn ethics in dealing with people

8 – Did you know that the Japanese even though one of the richest people in the world but they do not have servants. The parents are responsible for the house and children.

9 – Did you know that there is no examination from the first to the third primary level; because the goal of education is to instil concepts and character building, not just examination and indoctrination. –

10 – Did you know that if you go to a buffet restaurant in Japan you will notice people only eat as much as they need without any waste. No wasteful food.

11 – Did you know that the rate of delayed trains in Japan is about 7 seconds per year!! They appreciate the value of time, very punctual to minutes and seconds

12 -. Did you know that children in schools brush their teeth (sterile) and clean their teeth after a meal at school; they maintain their health from an early age –

13 – Did you know that students take half an hour to finish their meals to ensure right digestion

After the terrible earthquake and tsunami that hit Japan here are some things the world should learn from them:

1. THE CALM: Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.

2. THE DIGNITY: Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.

3. THE ABILITY: The incredible architects, for instance. Buildings swayed but didn’t fall.

4. THE GRACE: People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.

5. THE ORDER: No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just understanding.

6. THE SACRIFICE: Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors. How will they ever be repaid?

7. THE TENDERNESS: Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.

8. THE TRAINING: The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.

9. THE MEDIA: They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.

10. THE CONSCIENCE: When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly

STORY:ANGER DOES NOT SOLVE THE PROBLEM. THINK OVER REMEMBER!

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the apple of their eyes.

When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for work so he asked the wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard.

The mother, preoccupied in the kitchen, totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle and, fascinated with its color, drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages.

When the child collapsed, the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband.

When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just four words. What do you think were the four words???

The husband just said “I Love You Darling”

The husband’s totally unexpected reaction is proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened.

No point in attaching blame. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

Sometimes we spend so much time asking who is responsible or who is to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. That we miss out some warmth in human relationship in giving each other support. After all, shouldn’t forgiving someone we love be the easiest thing in the world to do?

Treasure what you have. Don’t multiply pain, anguish and suffering by holding on to unforgiveness. If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world.

Take off all your envies, jealousies, unwillingness to forgive, selfishness, and fears and you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.

THINK…..

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

REMEMBER…..

Caring should be in the Heart and not in Words.
Anger should be in Words and not in the Heart.

When Insults Had Class:I wish Ugandans get into the habit of communicating to others using simple English words!

When Insults Had Class: These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. I wish Ugandans get into the habit of communicating to others using simple English words!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.”
He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
============ =========
A Member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
============ =========
“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr
============ =====
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” -Winston Churchill
============ ==
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow
============ ====
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
============ ======
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas
============ ====
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain
============ ======
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde
============ ===
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second…. if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.
============ =========
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop
============ ========= ==
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright
============ ========= =====
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb
============ ========
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” -Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. “-Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

FRIENDS:WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ARRANGED MARRIAGES?

FRIENDS:
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ARRANGED MARRIAGES? Nizar Tawfiq Qabbani (21 March 1923 – 30 April 1998) was a Syrian diplomat, poet and publisher. When Qabbani was 15, his sister, who was 25 at the time, committed suicide because she refused to marry a man she did not love. During her funeral he decided to fight the social conditions he saw as causing her death. When asked whether he was a revolutionary, the poet answered: “Love in the Arab world is like a prisoner, and I want to set (it) free. I want to free the Arab soul, sense and body with my poetry. The relationships between men and women in our society are not healthy.”

Qabbani’s poem, “Would You Permit Me” speaks of his wisdom and people of all faiths should read and heed it:
———— ——— ———
Would You Permit Me?
by Nizar Qabbani

In a country where thinkers are assassinated, and writers are considered infidels and books are burnt, in societies that refuse the other, and force silence on mouths and thoughts forbidden, and to question is a sin, I must beg your pardon, would you permit me?

Would you permit me to bring up my children as I want, and not to dictate on me your whims and orders?

Would you permit me to teach my children that the religion is first to God, and not for religious leaders or scholars or people?

Would you permit me to teach my little one that religion is about good manners, good behaviour, good conduct, honesty and truthfulness, before I teach her with which foot to enter the bathroom or with which hand she should eat?

Would you permit me to teach my daughter that God is about love, and she can dialogue with Him and ask Him anything she wants, far away from the teachings of anyone?

Would you permit me not to mention the torture of the grave to my children, who do not know about death yet?

Would you permit me to teach my daughter the tenets of the religion and its culture and manners, before I force on her the “Hijab” (the veil)?

Would you permit me to tell my young son that hurting people and degrading them because of their nationality, colour or religion, is considered a big sin by God?

Would you permit me to tell my daughter to revising her homework and paying attention to her learning is considered by God as more useful and important than learning by heart Ayahs from the Quran without knowing their meaning?

Would you permit me to teach my son that following the footsteps of the Honourable Prophet begins with his honesty, loyalty and truthfulness, before his beard or how short his thobe (long shirt/dress) is?

Would you permit me to tell my daughter that her Christian friend is not an infidel, and ask her not to cry fearing her friend will go to Hell?

Would you permit me to argue, that God did not authorize anyone on earth after the Prophet to speak in his name nor did he vest any powers in anyone to issue “deeds of forgiveness” to people?

Would you permit me to say, that God has forbidden killing the human spirit, and who kills wrongly a human being is as if he killed all human kind, and no Moslem has the right to frighten another Moslem?

Would you permit me to teach my children that God is greater, more just, and more merciful than all the (religious) scholars on earth combined? And that his standards are different from the standards of those trading the religion, and that his accountability is kinder and more merciful?

Would you permit me?

Nizar Kabbani

A beautiful “guide to a better life” by Professor Randy Pausch

This is amazing, Randy Pausch died of pancreatic cancer in 2008, but wrote a book ‘The last lecture” before then, one of the bestsellers in 2007. He was a professor at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania(USA). What a legacy to leave behind.In a letter to his wife, Jai, and his children, Dylan, Logan , and Chloe, he wrote this beautiful “guide to a better life” for his wife and children to follow.May you be blessed by his insight. It’s incredible and hope you like it too:

POINTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

Personality:
1. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. Don’t have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment
3. Don’t over do; keep your limits
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously; no one else does
5. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip
6. Dream more while you are awake
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
8. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
10. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Smile and laugh more
14. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:
15.Call your family often
16. Each day give something good to others
17.Forgive everyone for everything
18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
19. Try to make at least three people smile each day
20.What other people think of you is none of your business
21.Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
22. Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.
23. GOD heals everything
24. Do the right things
25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
27. The best is yet to come
28. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful
29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
30. If you know GOD you will always be happy. So, be happy.

While you practice all of the above, share this knowledge with the people you love, people you school with,people you play with, people you work with and people you live with.
Not only will it enrich YOUR life, but also that of those around you.

WELL, I’M SHARING IT WITH YOU, FOLKS!

Is it really possible to know who is a man and woman on facebook, UAH or any other social network?

Friends,
One of the ‘male’ members of the Ugandans At Heart (UAH) forum recently called the other a ‘man’ yet the accused claims to be ‘female’, and I found the whole debate kind of interesting. Again, let us see if we can keep this at a civil level though this makes me a bit nervous because I’m afraid that some people may not understand me properly. But the truth is that you cannot know for sure someone’s sex on face book or other social networks unless you actually know them or physically showed you their ‘’thingy”, and this itself is not hypothetically conclusive.

Incidentally, I was recently having a conversation with a white British guy, and he told me something interesting. He said that most white men in Britain have got women boobs in their chests basically because women piss in the water we drink. As you may know, the same water we flash in the toilet is recycled and purified before we use it again. So, he said that oestrogens remain in that water after purification which means that men are consuming them too, and this apparently is somehow murdering our ‘maleness’.

I tell you what? Ever since I had this conversation with this guy, I think about it every time I drink water in the UK, and I’m keeping an eye on my boobs too. I don’t wanna be called a ‘babe’ at some point, you know. It’s all getting crazy! But, you see that distinction itself is not a reason to call one a woman and the other a man. Even a way of dressing or more does not make a person born a man into a woman.

Up to now, I find it difficult to differentiate between Autogynephilia and homosexuality- because I believe that a self proclaimed autogynephile would not find it difficult to switch to homosexuality at any moment of their life. I wish someone could do a thesis or PHD on this topic despite the fact that i dont treat homosexuality as a natural thing!

A friend of mine recently sent us his introduction video to a Munyoro lady, and I noticed that most women had a Janet -Museveni haircut. It disappointed me a little bit because they are murdering their beauty. That haircut is supposed to be for men, i believe. I’m pretty sure that Hon. Namboze would look more beautiful with a bit of more hair on her head but I guess some women wish to look like blokes these days (which is the exact opposite of autogynephiles). You see Beti ‘s defense is probably gonna be: ‘leave me alone, Abbey, I have a Constitutional right to have short hair……….. Even Kayihura’s POM-Law won’t deny me this right even if I end up looking like Messach Ssemakula’.

And because I’ve sworn to uphold that Constitution several times in my lifetime on UAH and I took each one of them very seriously, I guess I should leave the hardworking and honest Honourable alone.

So, my first conclusion is that Man, Woman, Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Honest Politician. What do all these have in common? They seem all to be mythical, guys. The whole thing becomes reduced to dress-up, play-acting, religious definitions, body parts (well, that person has a “dangly” thingie down there so it’s a “he”).

Yes, I agree that most of the population has no difficulty at all with defining who is a woman and who is a man, but I’ve never been able to find a definition that fits and isn’t circular. If anyone can give me a definition of a woman or a man that is inclusive of all that should be included in the definition and isn’t circular in logic, then I can actually start to think of womanness and manness. A few scholars and academics, one or two writers, have gone further into the realm of sexes.

We all know of cases of xx/xy mosaics. We all know of xy AIS women, and persons with adrenal hyperplasia who appear male but with an xx chromosomal pattern. We all know of xxy and xxxy chromosomal patterns. And even an X0 pattern. I’m saying simply that a definition that doesn’t include ‘all’ the relevant variations is flawed at the onset. Unless we want to descend into a definition that is based solely on body parts, (well, that person has a “dangly” thingie down there so it’s a “he”) we need to be more widely inclusive of the variations in the human genetic makeup.

Another article reported that the tropical clownfish changes its sex according to the reproductive needs of its community. In addition, We have got lesbians buying houses and having children together via artificial insemination or ‘accidental’ shagging of men. We have got straight men staying in marriages for years and then later on switching to gay partners

Then Enter John Money, Johns Hopkins University psychologist and sex researcher, who said that the XX and XY chromosome myth was very nice – tying the sexes into neat packages – but untrue. We have assumed, he wrote ‘that there are two quite separate roads, one leading from XY chromosomes at conception to manhood, the other from XX chromosome at conception to womanhood. But scientists are uncovering a different picture. There are not two roads, but one road with a number of forks where each of us turns in either the male or the female direction. You become male or female by stages. Most of us turn smoothly in the same direction at each fork.’

And then we have got women especially those from northern Uganda who could win a boxing match against men in the same way as men. Well, there is probably an explanation for this as scientists say that there are females with internalized male organs; women with an ‘overabundance’ of testosterone which gives them muscular strength greater than the average female; hermaphrodites possessing an XX chromosome pattern born with both male and female internal organs; and the extremely rare case of males possessing XX chromosome patterns.

When I was growing up in Bugerere, I used to watch the way boys and men defined themselves as men and it made me think a lot. We could be told to go out and kill snakes as a group at my grandfather’s farm to stop them from hurting our cattle. The old man himself would lag behind with his gun (sasi limu). Women on the, other hand, I observed most of them doing non threatening jobs and submerging their intelligence and opinions beneath men because, according to them, men’s ego were fragile and needed boosting – and should be boosted because they were men. That a woman is not supposed to possess the stronger characteristics attributed to men. The world has changed somewhat since I was a child but the same questions have remained with me.

The whole thing becomes reduced to dress-up, religious definitions, body parts and play-acting – to the adoption of the artificialities of a recognisable social role. No wonder some claim mental instability and delusion. No wonder that medical models are adopted in order to explain us.

While I can and am a man, and I enjoy being a man and a good Muslim, but I have no right to start pressuring anybody to reveal their sex to me unless if I really want something seriously off them. It’s like I have a problem when someone asks me if I’m ‘black’ or ‘white’- because in all honesty there is nothing like a white or black skin as in like real white or black. We associate normal with good, and abnormal with bad. It would be normal for a white male in 1776 to favour slavery of Blacks, or a German in 1940 to favour Hitler. That does not make normal right.

‘Kisambi’ aka thigh-power should be controlled with the ban on mini skirts or mini dressing

Friends,
Uganda is an extra ordinary country: from ‘Marriage and Domestic violence’ to ‘pornography and miniskirt’ bill and I love it. I don’t know whether both these bills were introduced to divert us from something, but if so, it’s certainly working. This may surprise a few people here but I’m with the government on this one. Yes, I want to see miniskirts banned on streets, not at home, and I think our UAH forum has played a crucial role in getting the government to think about this issue… thanks to the few pictures we have been sharing with them. This bill will save men from ‘thigh-power’ mistakes. Yes, some thighs have got power over some people and we need to find a way around this.

I’m not saying that all men are animals, with no control over their sexual urges, who can be provoked into random intercourse by a glimpse of a thigh or a wink, but I’m saying that we should never underestimate the power of ‘EKISAMBI’ (thigh). To quote a line from Jackie Gleason in the original Smokey and The Bandit: “You can think about it……but just don’t do it.” But we seriously need to trim ‘Kisambi’ powers a little bit for the sake of controlling certain evils in our society. Men usually leer at a girl who wears tight sweaters and miniskirts. That’s what we are! We like ‘EKISAMBI’ (not the chicken one), and i think it’s appropriate that we come up with measures to control ‘EKISAMBINESS’!

The hypocrisy among some in the opposition in Uganda and their western counter parts is simple enough to see. Frankly, I expected the opposition to support the government on this one but they are all over the place. Mao is fighting UYD; Otunu is fighting ‘UPC’; FDC is ‘reconciling’ and planning another delegates conference, e.t.c. So, let me just poke their friends in the developed nations a little bit.

Belgium banned the Islamic burka and similar garb in public but few people in the west made a lot of noise against it because it’s their business. I think France did a similar thing and we were OK with it. So, why the fuss on Uganda and miniskirts as I saw in the UK’s Daily mail?

I also read somewhere that they outlawed miniskirts in the White House during the Clinton admin. Evelyn Lieberman, the former deputy chief of staff at the White House and former Director of Voice of America (and she doesn’t have any foreign policy experiences), banned miniskirts, tight pants and low-cut and sleeveless shirts and any other clothing deemed provocative. She worked for the Clintons at the White House between 1993 to 2000, and I bet she saw how Monica Lewinsky dressed up.

Former ethics minister, Nsaba Buturo, tried to ban miniskirts and he didn’t succeed. Hope the MPs support this Karamoja Ethics guy and the bill this time around and let it pass. I think the Uganda opposition need to pull their heads out of their asses and not just oppose the government for the sake of it. We may not have enough resources to implement such a law but it at least sends a message out there about what is expected of descent clothing among our ladies.

Nze bwendaba banange

Male Organ Size: Homosexuality, Economy and Uganda’s Domestic Relations Bill

Friends,

The demand by Uganda women to have a clause in the Domestic Relations Bill that allows them to divorce men with bigger organs is something interesting because it confuses one on what exactly women want. This bill has got a lot of controversial stuff in it but let me concentrate on this issue for now to see if it makes sense to people out there.

I’m afraid I look at this issue in different ways but either way, I think when people decide to get married, these are some of the things they should be ready to put up with. It will be a travesty to marriage if people start divorcing each other because either of their sexual organs has ballooned for some reason. It can only make sense if the divorce is asked when the relationship is at its early stages because there it can be argued that the person did not know exactly what they were getting themselves into, but not when the relationship has been there for a long time. People should learn to appreciate certain things about each other outside the bedroom, and I believe it is what has kept our grandfathers in marriage for ages.

Penis size and economy

Some research shows how strongly the average sizes of male organ were associated with GDPs of various countries between 1960 and 1985 according to a paper presented by Tatu Westling of the University of Helsinki in 2011. It was argued here that the average size [the erect length, to be precise] of male organ in population has a strong predictive power of economic development during the period. The exact causality can only be speculated at this point but the correlations are robust. The `male organ hypothesis’ put forward here suggests that penises carry economic significance.

Male organ was found to experience an inverted U-shaped relationship with GDP in 1985. The GDP-maximizing length was identified at around 13.5 centimeters. One striking result is the collapse in GDP after male organ exceeds the length of 16 centimeters. At that time, it was noted that countries where men have penises below 12 centimeter were less developed and these were mainly the Asian countries. Let’s leave Africa out of this argument for reasons I will explain below.

The average growth rates from 1960 to 1985 were found to be negatively correlated with the sizes of male organs: unit centimeter increase in its physical dimension was found to reduce GDP growth by 5 to 7% between 1960 and 1985. Furthermore, quite remarkable was the finding that male organ alone could explain 20% of the between-country variation in GDP growth rates between 1960 and 1985.

The physical dimension of male organ varies considerably across countries, the average being 14.5 centimeters. For example, South Korea and Zaire [now Dem. Rep. of the Congo] have average sizes of 9.66 and 17.93 centimeters, respectively according to everyoneweb.com on the link http://www.everyoneweb.com/worldpenissize/. France’s average size is 16.1 centimeters while that of UK is 13.9 centimeters. To be honest, I don’t know how these guys got all these results but the figures here are interesting.

Now Africa is still poor compared to other continents yet it is well known that men of all long and big sizes come from there. The researchers put this down to other factors other than the size of the penis, i.e. poor political governance, diseases, malnutrition and regular conflicts on the continent. But then again, may be our current leaders have got smaller penises and that is why we are in this mess. I wish there is a way we can find out about this to test this theory. May be if we all chip in and bribe the first ladies on the continent, it will make this research a bit easier. But if this argument is true, then it looks like the Americans may get out of recession soon if they stick with Barack Obama in the White House for a second term running.

Bill Frist

May be this argument may have helped Obama become a president in the first place following a report compiled in 2006 by some newspaper about the penis sizes of Republicans. A reporter was allegedly able to obtain medical records of over 100 leading politicians and Cabinet members in Washington. Condoleezza Rice was asked what a good penis size was and how it might affect the female vote in the elections. Ms Rice stretched her fingers to indicate a good size and it was apparent that most of the men among the Republicans did not measure up. She thought as far as the female vote was concerned, it would hurt them. Bill Friest, Republican United States Senator representing Tennessee, spoke up and said “His wife said that size did not matter and he thought most women felt this way”. Ms Rice responded “What women say and what women want are two different things”. Friest apparently looked puzzled by her response. The rest is history because Republicans indeed lost the elections to democrats.

However, it has been found that there is no coleration between a man’s height and the length of his penis. Why many women still think “height” is more important than other physical features of males, I guess we will never know. Put height together with penis size, for example, and explain the aesthetics and beauty that some women use in mate selection. For instance, average heights did increase between 1750 and 1875 among European populations because of improvements in diets and increases in intakes of calories but this did not necessarily reflect an increase in their penis heights. Indeed the evidence that dimensions of body parts and penile lengths are correlated is mixed. Also there is no evidence to suggest that a man’s shoe size and penile length are related.

Homosexuality

A columnist in USA wrote in 2006 on website World Net Daily that use of soy products leads to reduced penis size and higher rates of male homosexuality. I guess scientists are still trying to find out why some people claim to be gay since their childhood after findings revealed in 1980s that higher testosterone levels among gay men are as often as among heterosexuals. In 1984 Heino Meyer-Bahlburg, a neurobiologist at Columbia University, analyzed the results of twenty-seven studies undertaken to test the hormone theory which used to be claimed by some people as explanation for being gay. He found that there is no difference between the testosterone or estrogen levels of homosexual and heterosexual men.

This columnist wrote that when you feed your baby soy formula, you’re giving him or her equivalent of five birth control pills a day. A baby’s endocrine system just can’t cope with that kind of massive assault, so some damage is inevitable. At the extreme, the damage can be fatal.

He also revealed that Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products.

To carry that theory a little further, maybe penis size is the reason for gay men not having normal relationships with women; they are embarrassed by the size of their members. Therefore, those who systematically engage in anal sex have smaller than normal penises, affording their partners less damage. It is a fact that many men obsess over penis size, weaker minded males often engage in transference.

So guys, it looks like penis size does not really matter in anything depending where you are standing. I guess my Chinese friends would say: ‘Dude, the only one who has an issue about your penis size is you and the brainless ladies in Uganda. I have enough on my mind with trying to figure out how to become a superpower, calculating different responses I get from Americans by supporting dictators in Africa, and trying to fit in enough time for sleep and work, which I wish I had the luxury of time to think about what size penis you have. I really don’t have that time, so it looks like I’m out of luck.’’

Anyway, the bottom line is that this issue should be carefully looked at when writing the final piece of the Domestic Relations Bill. Think about it: a chap in Australia killed his wife after she teased him about his penis size and this is something that may cause problems for us in future if we put such issues on a paper. This is a genuine Australian case, but even as a hypothetical one, it’s interesting.

Abbey Kibirige Semuwemba
United Kingdom

Nobody knows if Obote Poisoned Mutesa or not

Folks,
It is very difficult to prove whether Obote poisoned Muteesa or not. All i know is that leaders have always been poisoned by their opponents. Even Yasser Arafat is rumored to have been poisoned at some point but he did not die. He instead later developed some irreversible health problems that kept him shaking while talking in public. The poison was reportedly made from Moscow by Russian Jews but he survived.

So whether Obote Poisoned Muteesa or not, we shall never know. Like i one time said, people sent on the missions to eliminate certain people also end up being eliminated at some stage to get rid of the evidence. So, never accept such a mission if you want to live longer- because you also become a target.

Some poisons are untraceable or break down so quickly before the person dies as to be undetectable at the time of death. The most common one is ARSENIC. Ukraine’s nationalist leader Viktor Yuschenko, Chechen Independence fighter Khattab, and Litvinenko were all victims of untraceable poisons. Victor Yuschenko’s face looked like one of the monsters from a scary movie after he survived poisoning. I used to watch him on TV and i thought to myself:’now that is a real survivor and politician’.

Prolixin is traceable but I doubt if Mulago or any hospital in Uganda has got the equipment to test it. Another untraceable poison is called biotoxin ricin, which is made from the Castor bean plant. It is rumored that Pope John Paul I was killed by Italian mafias using this kind of untraceable poison.

The fact is that people all over the world, especially politicians, are eliminated using poison. If you don’t want to accept this, then you will the day they turn you into a cabbage. As my elder brother used to say: ‘man can disappoint man’. So, in most cases people are poisoned by those closest to them.

Poisoning is not only about being involved in politics or being at log heads with the government. If you want to become a ‘boiled egg’, it’s up to you but you must be alert all the time. I have got a friend of mine living in London but we were in Namagabi UMEA in Kayunga together. Her husband went to visit his relatives in Tororo a couple of years ago, I think. He was reportedly poisoned while he was with his relatives celebrating something. On their way back to Kampala, he started complaining of stomach pains. They rushed him to Mbale hospital but they told them to send him to Mulago. He died on the way to Mulago.

I really felt bad because they had two kids with his wife and last time I checked, the girl was struggling with life.

Then another friend of mine, again living in London, was also poisoned in some restaurant in Sseta( Mukono). She is not even in politics or anything like that. She is just a normal lady who had gone to buy herself a plot of land to start building her house. She was rushed to hospital and fortunately she survived.

Please should take this issue seriously, Poisoning whether intentional or not is part of Kampala restaurants and the society at large. People used to waste time with witchcraft ( eddogo) but not anymore. They are getting practical!

Last word on economy as we enter 2012

Anyway, Europe is ‘burning’ down. It is just a matter of time before the European Union is declared dead. Italy’s economy is also in a mess, a reason why former Prime Minister, Berlusconi, had to resign. What is happening in Italy is worse than Greece. Spain will also be crying next after Italy. I wonder how the small countries that had just joined EU are doing.

If Germany decides to leave the Euro zone, that will be it. Already the British are threatening to leave as they have got one leg outside Europe. People here in the UK are demanding for a referendum they were denied in the 1st place.

I think the architects of the revived East Africa Community (EAC) have got a lot of lessons to learn from this. EAC community mainly failed because of the imbalances in the economics of the member states, and these conditions are still in place, so they should go slow on the federation.

For the meantime, if I were Museveni, I would grant federalism to the regions that are asking for it. It will reduce the pressure that comes from the centre. Let’s face it: African economies are going to get worse in the next 2-5 years before things get any better. Museveni is presiding over a very angry/ hungry population such that I don’t know how he is going to keep things altogether in the 4 years. People are poor and they have had enough. If he decides to give federalism to some parts of the country, he will reduce this pressure on himself.

Happy new year everyone

Abbey Semuwemba

Nabakooba’s ‘’Bodaboda’’ Thighs may help us understand what beauty is.

Judith Nabakooba on a motorcycle downtown in Kampala

Dear friends,

It is well known that insecure men make fun of powerful women to hide their own feelings of insecurity. So I was not surprised at the pictures in the Redpepper newspaper showing police spokesperson, Judith Nabakooba, being ridden on a bodaboda, that raised a two-day debate on Ugandans At Heart (UAH) Forum. While I personally thought most of the male debaters were ‘crazy’ for not seeing the attraction in the smile always on her face, I saw nothing wrong in them finding her seemingly ‘big’ thighs the real point of discussion.

The fact is that a woman’s body has historically been a subject of regulation, discipline, debate and management. The woman’s body represents the place to project the memories and fantasies of racial,religious and cultural authenticity. Most African men tend to be attracted to the ‘big’ thighs and bums in women, and it is the main reason body image dissatisfaction, dieting, and disordered eating are more common in white than Black females. Racial differences exist in attitudes towards physical appearance and the stigma placed on weight gain and obesity. A black woman can be overweight but black men will still find her attractive which may not be the case with white men.

As a matter of fact, female beauty has always been so pervasive, so profoundly ambiguous such that we all interpret it differently. In her book The Character of Beauty in the Victorian Novel (1987), Lori Lefkovitz provocatively argues that ‘we have actually been trained to ignore descriptions of beauty’ (1984: 1), claims as applicable to the debates men tend to have everyday about women, such as Nabakooba legging it on a motorcycle in tight jeans. But I would argue that beauty has always been something we feel individually. Let me give you an example, I was told by some mates of mine about some beautiful girl in a place where my wife works, but I did not recognise her beauty the first time we met till when I came to appreciate her character( after some regular interactions between us). This girl may have been beautiful by default (because mum and dad are beautiful) but I only recognised her beauty after knowing her properly as a person.

This particular girl has long hair which even the Bible bases on to define beauty: ‘’If a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her; for her hair is given to her for a covering’’—1 Corinthians 11:15, but I never appreciated her hair till when I started appreciating the inside of her, but then again, how do we explain the fact that some guys noticed her beauty before knowing her? Does this mean that we are different as human beings in this context?

Among the blacks, during the black Movement of 1960s and 70s, blackness was redefined such that afro centric or “naturally” Black hairstyles became associated with the authentic. As such, the only authentic Black hairstyles would be dreadlocks, afro, cane-row and plaits. However, this has changed tremendously in this century as most black women would love to look like other races. Eurocentric beauty standard of straight, long and flowing hair is now almost the dream of any black woman who visits a hair salon. They just hate the authenticity that defined them in 1960s and 70s. Even Nabakooba’s hair as she relaxingly looked on a ‘bodaboda’ (motor cycle) is not an authentic hair style. These changes have also been reflected in the way black women dress, talk, and smile or sometimes treat themselves in public. There is a semi erosion of Black/ African culture in all aspects of life.

One possible explanation about this change can be explained by Leon Festinger’s Social Comparison theory(SCT) that suggests that people compare themselves to others when they are not certain about themselves. Before slave trade, black hair styles were a reflection of cultural and spiritual meanings, and some of these historical styles are still in existence today, for example: twists, braids, Zulu knots, Nubian knots, and dreadlocks. When slave traders were transferred to other countries, they found it difficult to keep African hair styles, so they resorted to wearing head scarves or handkerchiefs atop their heads, something we still see in Afro- American ladies especially in some black American films.

SCT was also shown among black men in the 18th century where some resorted to wearing wigs just because it was fashionable for white men of the upper class to wear wigs at the time. I guess this explains why Michael Jackson (RIP) and his brothers used to wear wigs when their music band had just started up. It is something that started when blacks (slaves) got jobs in influential white homes or plantations. They adopted all sorts of white cultures in order to fit in.

Already some black women have started seeing beauty in the same way white folks do due to assimilation into mainstream culture and acceptance of mainstream culture ideals of attractiveness as thin. As a student of public health promotion, I should probably go with my brain on this one rather than emotions, by accepting that fat is causing a lot of health problems to people. May be this black evolution in definition of beauty may be a blessing in disguise as it will encourage healthy eating and also control the ageing process of our black women which wasn’t the case in the past.

I know its fashion to some people and probably most men like it, but I still think that women with big hips should not wear clothes that accentuate their girth. If you are a Muslim lady, try to ‘fashion-out’ with a ‘hijab’ as it may give you the same confidence as Nabakooba in tight jeans.

Byebyo ebyange

Abbey Kibirige Semuwemba